Becoming More Assertive
Unsurprisingly, low self-esteem and lack of assertiveness are two sides of the same coin. However, whilst assertiveness can be taught in a classroom, low-esteem needs to be dealt with at a much deeper level.
Most of us would say that we've suffered from low-self esteem at some point in our lives. We've failed an exam, lost a job or a relationship has broken down and for a while we feel like failures and that no one wants or likes us. However, after a few weeks, our own inner confidence usually begins to reassert itself and we return to our normal confident selves.
For some people, this state of feeling unwanted and unloved is something they have grown up with since childhood. They perpetually feel like outsiders, followers and not leaders, always turning down opportunities to do new things or go to new places because they fear that they won't be able to cope or others will think they are stupid. They find it difficult to establish new relationships because they feel they are unloveable. They allow others to push in front of them for everything from free ice cream to better jobs or a better relationship. They look down instead of up; look away from people instead of at them; never start a conversation, never ask about other people and how their lives are going.
Often the root of the problem starts in childhood. A child forms their view of the world from scratch, knows only what they're told and what they see around them. So if you keep telling a child that they're stupid, that they're unloveable, that no one likes them, they come to believe it. It becomes part of their view of the world and they model their behaviour on it. And no matter how clever or loveable they really are, no amount of praise or love will convince them otherwise. Because the childhood believe is so deeply integrated into their world view.
Hypnotherapy can be highly effective in dealing with Low Self-Esteem
Our world-view is stored in our subconscious mind. The place where the model of the world according to each of us is stored. And so this is where we need to do the work of gently and slowly morphing the world view so that it reflects reality rather than a mistaken belief created earlier in life.
By going into hypnotic relaxation and into a wonderful trance-like state, the mind's natural defences begin to relax. This relaxation enables the subconscious mind to become more in contact with the outside world, and more willing to consider ideas which are usually rejected out of hand.
This does not mean that you can be programmed to do anything that you are told. We are not machines or computers; anything which the subconscious is not ready to accept will be rejected - you cannot be made to do, or say or believe anything which your subconscious feels to be innapropriate or downright wrong.
However, by using hypnotherapeutic techniques and following-through with tailor-made CD's and specific exercises as "homework", we can open the door for the subconscious mind to accept change. We can teach it not to reject praise or affection out of hand but to accept and integrate it; to use it as the material for creating a new world model where the individual has a rightful place, has real value and deserves all the things that other people automatically take as their right. The subconscious will only change at the speed it is willing to, but as change happens, so lives change for the better.
Learning to be Assertive
Assertiveness should not be confused with aggression. Even quiet, gentle people can be formidably assertive when they need to be. They have just learned the tricks of persistence and unshakeable belief in the rightness of their case and how to present themselves as unmoveable in their determination to get what is their right and to be unintimidated by the opposition of others.
Hypnotherapy not only teaches how these things can be achieved but also provides the opportunity to practice and improve in a safe environment, integrating and reinforcing the experience and the lessons learned through hypnotic trance and subconscious ego-strengthening suggestions.
If you would like to discuss any of the issues raised above, please give me a call for a free, no obligation, consultation.
Keith Jefford DCH, DHP, GQHP, PSTEC Advanced
T: 01708 224698
M: 07970 111657